5 Reasons You Need to Ditch the Clock
Unnecessary stress was the #1 reason the transition to motherhood seemed so draining. From the moment my daughter was born, they wanted us to start tracking things. Did she pee? Maybe even have that first poo? How about breastfeeding: when did she eat, which breast did I offer, and for how long? I am here to tell you that this just fed into my obsessive baby behavior. Unless there is a medical reason, you don’t need to track everything.
Listen to your baby, not the countless apps and bits of social media telling you to try this tracking app or that timer. Maybe even telling you which new baby product is a “must have.” If you are following your baby’s cues, you are doing an excellent job.
It doesn't matter if your baby wakes up at 2:57 AM to eat. You don’t need to even know that, you just need to provide for them. That is why my favorite sleep tip is to ditch the clock! Babies have no idea about our time construct. They run based on what they need and that is completely normal! Did you know we used to run off of seasons and moon cycles? It wasn’t until more modern society that we became chained to the construct of time. Why do you think there are so many “hacks” for syncing our life with the lunar cycles? Or daylight savings time? Circadian Rhythms? Want to know more about the science behind lunar cycles and their impact: head here.
Here are my top 5 reasons on how “Ditching the Clock” will free up your motherhood journey.
1. You don’t need to track everything
This is for our healthy and full term babies. I can understand that if there is a medical reason for the tracking you may still need the clock to help you. However, if that is not you, delete the tracking apps. Throw away the tracking notebooks. They aren’t necessary!
I know I am not alone in obsessive-like behavior when it comes to our children, but tracking only led me down a slippery slope of control issues. If my daughter wasn’t feeding on cue, I got worried. If she took only my left breast while eating, I got worried. If she didn’t pee the exact number of diapers I expected, I got worried.
I didn’t leave space for my maternal instinct to flourish. I stopped following my baby’s lead and watched the clock. It led to so much stress I just didn’t need in those early days. And, if I am transparent, I feel like it played a role in how my postpartum depression took hold. I will go more into that another day, but that obsessive behavior wore me down and zapped those early moments of their color. I was tired, depression was already taking hold, and then rather than falling in love with my baby just how she was, I forced averages and constructs onto a newborn.
It wasn’t fun and it caused a divide between my partner and I because he was much more go with the flow. I resented him for it. I mean, didn’t he see what I saw? No. No he didn’t. He wasn’t tied down by schedules, tracking, and the clock. He just wanted to be with his girls while he had time off work. He didn’t care if it was 1 AM or 1 PM. And it made me jealous.
Now that my daughter is a toddler, schedules make a bit more sense, but I still try to stay away from the clock unless it's work related.
Free yourself from the chains of time and follow your baby’s lead. That is how you will get to know your baby before they are even crawling. Their cries will be apparent to you, their sleep schedule won’t be as big of a deal, and those tracking apps will be out of sight out of mind.
2. Wake Windows aren’t always accurate
I am sure you have heard of wake windows and have seen the charts of “ideal” sleep schedules. They are just tools. Sleep trainers love to base their programs off of these sleep averages, but that is all the numbers are. Averages. Statistics.
Your baby is not a number, they are unique. While a wake window can be a good start IF you are struggling, they are not a one plan fits all approach. Your baby might sleep more, or even less. And that is totally normal.
And a side note for the newborn mamas out there: stop using wake windows. Your baby’s circadian rhythm doesn’t start to develop until around 3-4 months. Be sure your baby is getting natural light and dark exposure and that you are following sleepy cues. That is all you need. Starting this habit early on will not only help you get to know your baby even better, but it will help any sleep roadblocks you may come across later. You will already be tuned into your baby and their needs.
Now, if your child is over 4 months and you struggle with a nap or bedtime, a wake window may be a tool you can use to help you get started. But if after a few days your baby is fighting this new schedule, ditch the schedule. It isn’t a good fit for your baby. Trying to follow a statistic will cause more stress than feeling out your baby’s natural cues.
Story time: My daughter did not follow traditional wake windows. BUT, I realized (way too late) that she did follow her own rhythm. Once I stopped chasing these ideal time based schedules, we rocked naptime. I realized she loved to take naps around the same time every day, but they were based on her needs and not the clock. The clock was just there. The less I obsessed and tried to convince her sleep was needed, the more she stepped into her biological desire to sleep. And yes, we still had structure, but it was cue based rather than time based.
Now this may be a harder one to follow if your child is in daycare and I will do a daycare series in the future. Do the best you can on the days your child is home.
3. You are in charge of your perspective
After you ditch the clock, you will be able to step into your own. You won’t dread the 3 AM wake up, because you won’t know what time it is. I truly encourage you to stop checking the time when your little one wakes up. Take the clock out of your room, turn your phone face first and don’t pick it up, keep your personal time blinders on. It will free you from the unnecessary pressure of whatever might come next.
The hardest thing for me to change was my sleep perspective. The frustration would come when I felt out of control (aka naptime wasn’t coming on time), the grumpiness would cue up if I got less than 5 hours of sleep (it didn’t have to be consecutive, I just needed sleep), and the jealous tinged sadness would creep in because of the little sleepers on social media. I was run by this social construct ruled by the clock. It wasn’t a healthy mindset. All it did was feed into this guilt that I wasn’t good enough. Otherwise known as “mom guilt.”
By getting rid of the clock there is a shift from the future, into the present. Your baby and you exist in the current moment and what happens next is between the two of you. Of course there are outside stipulations like older children or work that may make this seem far fetched, but give it a try.
Start with wake ups. When your little one wakes up overnight, don’t check the time. Fight that urge to see the clock flash its early call, avoid the internal groan at how tired you are because of the time, and focus on what your baby is crying out for. Are they hungry? Do they need comfort? Tune into the present moment. Tune into their cries. Attend their needs.
If you are rolling your eyes, just bear with me. Give it a try. It is really hard to give up control, but it will benefit you in the long run. I promise.
4. Lead with confidence
Once you have gotten the hang of being in the present, rather than hinged on a clock that feeds the mindset of the future, you can truly tune into your maternal instinct and lead with confidence. Overnight wakeups aren’t as daunting because you are so in tune with your baby that their needs are more apparent. Delayed naps aren’t a big deal because you know you will get your time later. You can put your baby to bed without worry because you know you are meeting them where they are at, not rushing to the next task.
Ditch the clock. Free yourself.
You are allowed to claim the moment. Your baby’s needs are important and so is your sanity. Leaning into your instincts and away from the ticking of your clock is the first step.
5. Babies can’t tell time
Time is learned, but the biological clock isn’t. How your baby flows throughout the day and night is natural. Sure, we can fine tune our rhythm as we get older, but it will always be with us.
True early birds are programmed that way. So are nightowls. So are all the rest that fall on the great sliding scale of normalcy.
Your baby doesn’t understand the concept of time because babies can’t tell time. They aren’t weighed down by the future yet. They just know what they need in the moment and communicate their needs in the cries that are part of them. Your baby waking up at night is biologically normal. Shut the clock off and be in the present with them. They can’t tell time, so you shouldn’t worry about it.
It is so easy to be lost to the next moment, but if we stop checking the clock, we offer our maternal instincts freedom. We offer our perspective freedom. Not being tied down by expectations is liberating, and when you aren’t stressing about the time, you can fully sink into the cuddles that your baby has to offer in exchange for meeting them where they are at.
