What is Baby-Led Sleep?

Jun 19

Hey there, I’m Heather!

I’m the owner of The Nurture Spot, writer of “Eat. Nap. Repeat.” on Substack, and mom to a beautiful toddler. If you are reading this before October 2025, I have another baby girl on the way!

I started The Nurture Spot because parenting is hard and nowadays there is too much information at our fingertips. At least, in my opinion there is. I cannot tell you how many nights I stayed awake Googling if my baby’s breathing was normal or if that fifth wake up was normal. I even searched up nap schedules and if I was going crazy from sleep deprivation.

It led me to a host of different answers, experts, self-appointed specialists, and toxic mom groups. (Can’t we all just agree this sh!t is hard and move on?!)

Anyways… I did all this and around eight months after my daughter was born I had enough. I got a sleep certification. I thought I was going to be a sleep guru that just helped all the mamas, including myself, get better sleep. I was very wrong. I had cemented myself deep in the sleep training world and while I had generic sleep plans and band aid solutions to slap on baby sleep struggles, I didn’t have what I was looking for.

Hard exit, stage left.

Then came the obsessive postpartum depression that uncovered my true passion. Child Development! I have received a few certifications now and am pursuing a psychology degree because I am a total nerd and just want to help families.

What is Baby-Led Sleep?

So, what is the baby-led sleep approach and why do I use it? The how will come later.

Simply put: The baby-led sleep approach focuses on the maternal instinct, sleep science, and attachment to guide parents and their baby into a better night's rest. At The Nurture Spot, the aim is to educate parents on what biologically normal infant and toddler sleep looks like, how you can be a more active participant in positive sleep hygiene, and how to wake more restful.

Responsive

A responsive night of sleep still involves tears, however those tears are supported. You get to stay in control of how and when you are responding to your baby. If they call out in distress there are no rules or timetables telling you to let them lay and “cry it out.” Instead, you are encouraged to go to your baby and show them that you are always going to respond.

This does not mean boundaries can’t be set. You can set the boundaries that feel most appropriate to your family and support your baby in the way they need. I encourage boundaries and am even working on an e-book to help parents figure out how to navigate the slippery slope that is tears and limits. (If you’re interested, make sure you keep an eye out)!

What does a night of responsive sleep look like?: Your baby wakes and cries out from their bassinet. You have decided that you want to respond to their cries with breastmilk and snuggles. That simply means you go to where your baby is sleeping (bassinet, floor bed, crib, etc.) and offer them the breast and hold them tight. Remind yourself that you’re doing a great job and cherish those quiet moments with you little one.

Non-Responsive

Non-responsive sleep is what is expected in most sleep training programs. It means that when your baby cries out, you are conditioning them that you won’t immediately respond. Depending on which method you use this can be a few minutes, to over 20 minutes. If at all.

Now beyond the torture that listening to your baby in distress causes, we are conditioning them that they are in danger. Back in the days of hunter and gatherer villages, babies would cry out as a survival instinct. They need to be carried and held until they can walk and cling on their own, which means they cry out to signal that they either need something (ie. milk) or that their stress response has spiked and they are seeking comfort and protection.

In modern day, we don’t have to worry about saber tooth tiger attacks but babies still experience these stress spikes (cortisol spikes) and they signal out to their caregiver that they are in need and are distressed. When we sleep train, we are told to ignore this signal so that our babies can learn how to self soothe. This goes against the anthropological and biological norm for small infants, not to mention the twist on “self soothe” delivers a different message than what Dr. Anders meant back in the 1970s when he coined the term.

To tie it all together: non-responsive sleep can increase overall cortisol levels from frequent spikes, can be harder on parents because of the distress their babies are in, and while they may get your infant to stop calling out at night, fighting biology is a band aid not a solution.

The Why

You should decide what works best for YOUR family. I definitely don’t like sleep training, but I will never shame a mama who is just doing her best. However, that means I have a big WHY on what made me take a sleep certification, loathe sleep training, and keep going for more certifications and answers.

My big WHY: I love child development. I took a baby-led sleep course after my sleep training course and it was full of information. In depth dives on health and wellness, specialists teaching on things like tongue ties and adolescent sleep apneas (neither of which was even touched on during my other course), and the biggest portion of the course was on attachment and how it plays a big role in sleep.

Nowadays, you can hop online and see the battle going back and forth between the sleep training parents and the responsive sleep parents. It doesn’t have to be that way, but it is. But why does this argument matter? At the very heart of it all is the theory of attachment. Some people will tell you that your affection spoils your baby, but that isn’t true. There is no such thing as an overly loved child. In fact, dependence breeds independence. The more your child can trust that you are there, the more likely they will become independent thinkers and doers. This can also relate back to the great debate of nature vs. nurture.

My Sleep Approach

Focusing on Attachment (first)

We just broke down the involvement of the theory of attachment, but I wanted to dig a little deeper because it really is that important! My approach starts with the foundations of sleep science, the importance of attachment, and delves into the individual factors of each family that chooses to work with The Nurture Spot.

For attachment, I like to provide relevant research articles that meet each family where they are at on their sleep and development journey. Which just means that no matter how old your little one is, we have information that will help make bedtime easier, naps a pleasant pause, and will make the day to day more connected.

One of my favorite things to do is also recommend a book that will go hand in hand with whatever struggles you find yourself in. Don’t have time to sit and read a book? Youtube is an excellent source for interviews and breakdowns that I utilize during my 1:1 consultations. My consultations can seem a bit short, but they are packed with information that is relevant directly to your situation. I know this because of the extensive intake form I ask parents to submit a minimum of 5 days before we meet.

I will make sure that in your “foundation's packet” there is a breakdown of how attachment can be utilized and expanded on, so that when we approach your child’s sleep we aren’t slapping a band aid on a problem, but healing from the source.

Shifting Sleep Perspective

The best part, for me, about coaching is the confidence boost. While my educational background is in sleep, nutrition, and psychology, I love giving a good pep talk that helps tired mamas find their inner fire. Some of you may just want some generic answers and plans, and that's fine. But that is not part of my approach. I focus on healing the mom + baby dyad, which means we focus on rewriting the sleep narrative that the sleep industry has pushed out in our capitalistic society.

What does this mean for you? While you are learning the foundations of your little one’s sleep normalcy and needs, I am focusing on making sure you see the great mom you are. You can think of it like having a conversation with your big sister. She is full of educational information, advice from her own experiences, and she is your cheerleader.

Parenting is hard, sleep shouldn’t be. I aim to take the guesswork out of your baby’s sleep and nutritional needs, so that you can focus on the sweet moments that will shape your life moving forward.

Considering Individual Factors

This part of my sleep approach relates back to the “no generic plans” mentioned above. Every family is unique and so is every baby. I truly believe that you know your baby best and that your family rhythm is different than mine. That makes you your family’s expert. I just have the information to help you decipher what you already know.

Family Rhythm and Lifestyle

This one is really important for my reasoning on why I don’t like generic sleep plans. I will use my family as an example so that it makes more sense.

My daughter is almost four and her bedtime is between 8:30-9 PM. While there are programs out there that guarantee a 7 PM bedtime, that is absolutely unrealistic for my family. I work part-time shift work, which means early mornings are hard on my brain. I don’t like feeling groggy, but I can’t sleep before 12 AM some nights. That is just the unfortunate name of the game. My partner works corporate hours, so if we were to put our daughter down by 7 PM, he would have about an hour of time with her a day AND he would have to wait for his dinner, unless he was totally uninvolved. While an early bedtime sounds ideal for those nights I am home, it doesn’t make sense for the rest of the week. So, we have a later bedtime and a later start to our day. Everyone wins.

What I’ll do for you is take a look at your typical daily routine, factor in your tops goals, and help you fine tune a rhythm that breeds relaxation rather than rushed bedtimes and disappointment.

Temperament

One of my favorite things to break down and dive into with families is temperament and how it plays a role in sleep. Temperament, at its most basic, is the way your little one reacts to their environment. Are they easy going? Maybe a little more sensitive than most? I hate putting our children in a box, so what I do is help you understand your child on a deeper level.

You already know them best, but together we will dig deeper.

I have a quiz I developed on temperament that I like to send to parents who sign up for the Temperament and Sleep Course or for a 1:1 consult. It is a fun way to start tapping into the instinctual wisdom that comes with being a parent. The results are packed with chunks of information, but are simply an educational tool.

From there, just like during the foundations, I will tailor our session to meet you and your child where you’re at on their sleep journey. Maybe you don’t understand temperament and need some introduction, or maybe you have spent a lot of time searching information on the internet and feel like an expert. I can send you the supplementation that directly revolves around your child and their needs.

If you are interested in learning more about temperament, keep an eye on my substack: Eat. Nap. Repeat. I will be doing a four part deep dive on temperament before the end of this year.

And More…

One plan does not sleep all. That means that the “and more” piece is tailored directly to your needs. This could be where I insert some more mindset focus, or maybe you need some more foundational understanding. For some of you I will focus more on the next steps and any potential roadblocks that are approaching. Or maybe we add a nutritional/feeding piece of information to the puzzle. Regardless of what your needs are, there is information that can be supplemented to make your journey easier.

Let’s Look at Sleep

The last part of my approach is the so-called “plan”. This is the piece most parents want right away, but I save it for last because it is so important to understand the basics and build from there. The sleep aspect of our chats will focus on how to turn the information you are getting into actionable steps. You get to call the shots every step of the way, I am just the guiding light that helps you navigate in the dark.

What might this look like: You want to remain responsive, but your returning to work and need solid boundaries. We start your plan off by defining the boundaries and limits you want to hold and then mix in everything we now know about your child and how they might respond to sleep. I will help you crank your instincts up, that way at 3 AM when you feel low, your confidence is soaring. We will also come up with solutions to your common problems, map out the next few months (ie. conquer roadblocks), and even touch base on how your child’s sleep environment can change and grow as they do.

That is just an example. Each family will have a consultation that is geared towards their needs. I will meet you wherever you are on your sleep journey and together we will get your little one sleeping.

What is Baby-Led Sleep?

Hey there, I’m Heather!

What is Baby-Led Sleep?

Responsive

Non-Responsive

The Why

My Sleep Approach

Focusing on Attachment (first)

Shifting Sleep Perspective

Considering Individual Factors

Family Rhythm and Lifestyle

Temperament

And More…

Let’s Look at Sleep

Further Reading: